Agreements, Integrity and Trust at Work
By
Peter G. Vajda, Ph.D.
The foundation of healthy
relationships begins to atrophy and crumble when one feels betrayed. One feels
betrayed when another fails to commit to or keep agreements.
What is an agreement?
The Cambridge Dictionary defines
agreement as: when people approve of or accept something; a decision or
arrangement between two or more groups or people.
The purpose of an agreement is to
engender harmony so that two or more folks can engage in an interaction without
any subterfuge, hidden agenda, duplicity or lack of transparency. An agreement
is effective only insofar as it comes from a deeper, internal place of
motivation. Seems simple enough.
Dis-agreements
Yet, our life at work often seems
rife with disagreements, betrayals, dishonesty, being out of integrity, and
disharmony in our relationships. Why?
The underlying cause of one's not
living up to one's agreements is that often one enters into an agreement
knowing that one's true desire for, and commitment to, an agreement is
half-hearted.
Often people enter agreements
because:
(1) they are afraid of what will
happen to them if they don't enter the agreement;
(2) they want to feel safe in some way - mentally, emotionally, physically,
psychologically, socially, financially, etc.;
(3) they are "giving to get", that is, agreeing, in order to achieve
some personal, self-centered goal; or
(4) they want to avoid the discomfort of disagreement or conflict so they agree
to "go along to get along."
Such agreements never come from the
"right place" - the place of integrity, trust and authenticity.
Whatever the excuse for entering an agreement comes from a place of duplicity,
follow-through with consistency, taking the high road, and being in integrity
never happens.
Agreements, in and of themselves,
never lead to safety, trust and harmony. Acting on agreements, consistently, is
what leads to safety, trust and dependability. Effective agreements are always
built on a clear purpose that leads to action.
When agreements work
For agreements to work, that is, for
agreements to generate safety, trust, harmony and dependability, one needs to
reflect, deeply, consciously and from one's heart, and inquire: "Why am I
agreeing to this?" "Really, really, really, why?" "What is
the true and real purpose underlying this agreement?" Without a deep sense
of clarity, most agreements self-destruct sooner rather than later. The fallout
and collateral damage from failed agreements can be quite extensive -again,
mentally, physically, emotionally, socially, financially, and psychologically.
Once an agreement is broken, the
first thing to erode is trust, followed by feelings or emotions around
betrayal, fear, resentment, blame, guilt, and shame apologies and "making
up for the broken agreement", notwithstanding. The level of trust can
almost never be regained to the degree that it existed when the agreement was
made. Without trust, there is no honest, safe, authentic and healthy
relationship. Just toxicity, and a low-level-fever-grade type of agitation,
fear, vigilance, unspoken, but felt, sense of guilt or shame, and a continual
watching of one's back.
When you create agreements that
reflect integrity, authenticity, heart-felt purpose and accountability for
one's actions, you are creating a workplace culture that exudes safety, trust,
harmony and well-being. Productivity, performance and conscious, healthy
relationships grow and thrive in such workplace environments.
So, some questions for
self-reflection:
How would you characterize your
relationships at work (and at home and and play)? Healthy, authentic, in
integrity, trusting, duplicitous, fake, phony...?
Do you honor and keep your agreements, consistently? What would your boss,
colleagues, direct reports, clients, friends, spouse/partner say?
Do you find yourself apologizing regularly for not keeping your agreements?
Do you apologize when you break agreements?
Do you create agreements with a win-win, or win(me)-lose(other) motive?
Do you generally blame others when agreements break down?
What is the level of trust in your relationships? If low, how can you increase
the level of trust?
Have you ever been betrayed as a child? Do you enter agreements with a feeling
that you'll be betrayed at some point? Is trusting others a challenge for you?
Why?
Is intimacy a common issue in your relationships?
Are your relationships characterized by communication and openness?
All of your failed relationships have one common denominator....you. Have you
ever reflected on that notion?
How much do you trust people at work?
Do you believe that work is largely "political"? If so, why?
Are you continually vigilant of who are your allies, opponents, adversaries,
and "friends" at work?
Why?
(c) 2008, Peter G. Vajda, Ph.D. and
SpiritHeart. All rights in all media reserved.
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---ABOUT THE AUTHOR--- Peter G. Vajda, Ph.D, C.P.C. is a
founding partner of SpiritHeart, an Atlanta-based company that supports
conscious living through coaching, counseling and facilitating. With a
practice based on the dynamic intersection of mind, body, emotion and spirit
- that is, Essential Well BE-ing - Peter's approach focuses on personal,
business, relational and spiritual coaching. He is a professional speaker and
published author. For more information contact: http://www.spiritheart.net, pvajda@spiritheart.net or phone
770.804.9125 Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Peter_Vajda,_Ph.D |
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